Bahah.

Heather says I'm Bret.
Cause I'm a weedy shy guy?
Not.
It's us, supposedly:]

When the world says give up, hope says try it one more time.

Snow makes everything better. It brings back memories, makes new ones, makes me feel good. Winter, considering from Halloween to probably the middle or end of March, are the best months.
I guess I can't explain it, because every season brings memories, but summer and winter are the main two.
Winter is my favorite time of year. The cold, the snow, the clouds, it all makes me feel a certain way that I don't feel anytime else.
There's Christmas, and New Years. They change everything. Relationships with people begin, and some end, some stay the same. Things happen that you wont ever be able to recreate.
Like, how the people who've been here awhile can remember back to the year it snowed 3 feet in March, How last year it snowed during June even, I guess maybe they're just things that you can't change.
Examples:
This year, I performed my first play and had my first kiss? in the beginning of November.
Last year, in November, was the first time Heather and I met, and instantly, we became best friends.
Last year, Tucker, Tierra, Heather, Shay and I played in the snow and built snowmen that we plowed over with Tucker's car.
My seventh grade year, late October or November, I met Cassidi, one of the people I count on the most this year. We've known each other for three or four years. It's crazy.

Things just happen.
I have the best memories of winter, in winter.
:]

My Happy list.

Happy happy happy<3


1. Snow, playing in the snow, when it's snowing, etc.
2. Christmas time.
3. Long intelligent conversations.
4. When my mom makes me french toast.
5. Myspace?
6. My Cassidi.
7. Reading for long periods of time.
8. Anything that happens during Winter break.
9. Blogging.
10. Sweet compliments.
11. Being warm when it's cold outside.
12. Getting clothes, buying clothes, clothes in general.
13. Baking for Christmas.
14. Christmas shopping.
15. Going to my grandma's old house in Iowa.
16. Having a clean room.
17. Talking and laughing with my Heathy.
18. Being happy.
19. Movies.
20. Showering.
:]

The person you want to be is not nearly as important as who you are right now.

I think the snow factor lately has had a huge improvement on my attitude. It's great. I just feel happy, I am happy. With a few other exceptions, but it's almost winter break, I've got a lot of my Christmas shopping done, I get to bake, it's been snowing, it's just a good time of year.
Christmas season is my favorite.

I feel like I don't have much to talk about, everything's just been good.
I miss Heather. I really do. It's weird, I barely ever see her anymore, I feel like I don't know what to do to fix our relationship. It's hard, hopefully winter break will help everything out, I really want it to. We used to be attached at the hip. Now I don't know where my hip went.

With that being as it is, I've become closer with some other friends, and even made new ones. Leah and Hair pretty much make my life.
Hair's been a good friend, and I really hope after this semester, even when we don't have a class together, that we're still good friends. He's a great person.

Leah just listens to all my complaining, I really appreciate it.

Cass and I have bonded a lot lately. I don't know what'd I'd have without her. I love her with my very whole heart.

This year will leave on a good note.
I'm glad to at least have that.

Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to.

Because of you.

I love this blog, it helps me breathe. I look forward to reading it every day. It's the reason I wake up, besides Cassidi:p


I spend most of my nights outside, looking for ways to make you smile.

I don't care how many fish there are in the sea. I don't want a fish. I want you.

It's not your watch I care about. It's the time you keep.

Wait. But don't wait too long. Work hard. But don't forget how to play. Sing loudly. But don't learn all the words. Wonder. But not so much that you lose yourself. Read magazines. But read more books.
Love.

You don't have to be the person you tell people you are. You can just be who you are.

Just tell them how you feel. Is anyone going to die?
No.
But one day, you will.
Would you like to do that before or after you tell them?

Let love not be like lightning. Let me feel this way again one day, even if I lose you.

Create. Not because you want to or because the mood grabs you or just because you happen to feel like it. Create because you need to. Because it feels like if you don't, you might die.

The most creative thing you can do is tell the truth.

If you're looking for love, you won't find it.
If you're not, you will.

I miss you sitting next to me. I miss you falling asleep. I miss carrying you to bed. I miss looking at the ceiling and listening to you breathing.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

I hope you get what you want or you want something new. I hope you appreciate how you feel now when you start to feel differently. I hope you spend your time with someone you love, even it's just you.

You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in.
You get a second chance, every second.

You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain.

Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

Love. Happy happy love.

I think I can be happy without wanting things. I wanted things so badly, and once you get your hopes up- if they get crushed, you get crushed. It doesn't work.
Today my family, with the help of Blake, put up the Christmas tree. Before we did, my mom said, "It's not important, it's not like there will be any presents to put under it anyway."
It kind of broke my heart. Christmas is a big deal in my family, not necessarily the holiday itself, but the Christmas spirit in general. It felt like my mom crushed the spirit, I just felt really bad. It's a little hard to put in words, I just didn't think any of my family would say something like that.
Sure, we are pretty dirt poor right now, but that doesn't mean things won't get better. I don't really mind not having presents, it's not like I need anything, but Christmas is about being happy. It kind of hurt.

This weekend was a bit boring. I didn't really do much of anything, watched movies and cried, but I think it was the good kind of crying. P.S. I love you was something worth crying over if that makes any sense. It was a cute movie.
Tonight Shay, Nick, and I saw Twilight. I realized how much I really do hate it, and frankly I don't know why I saw it twice. I thought it was horrible, I had better expectations. Whatever.

It was neat to hang out with a person I don't know well, someone new, and he's a really great person. It was sweet. I need to meet new people.
Not saying I don't love the people that are in my life, I've really needed them.
New things are just good, too.
I've been in a weird place lately, and I need people. I need Shay basically more than anyone, but I've been thinking about how she's leaving next year. So is my Blake, Cass, Dylan, Fran, a whole chunk of my heart is leaving. I was talking to Shay tonight and said that when she leaves, my heart is going to be ripped in half and stomped on ten times. It's going to hurt. I love her more than anyone. It's hard to think she's not going to be here every day.
I'll be happy.
Get happy.
Happier.
Soon.

Not a chance.

Fine, feeling fine.
Happy, conditionally.
Love, more than I should.
Trust, more than worth it.

I've loved that feeling. The feeling of being fine. It'll change, always does, already has. It's weird. I haven't wanted anything so much before to just let it all go. Things wont change how I feel right now, that much I know. I wish they would.

Hair says I'm too kind. I don't think it's so much as kind, but I just do. I do things for people I care about. Think I care about. Cared about. I like being happy, I'll still be happy. I'll be fine. I know.

Today changed a lot. Feelings for people, reasoning, most things changed today. I felt bad I couldn't help my best friend when she needed it just because I couldn't skip math. That kind of hurt.
I got hurt today.
Not enough to not recover from it anytime soon. Maybe a week. Maybe a month. I can't judge my emotions that far. But I'm fine. I just need some comfort. Kind of badly.

I'm done, as of now, having a pity party for myself. Done.