I've figred it out!

I know what I want to do. At least, what I think I want to do.
I want to start dancing- ballet specifically, I'm not sure why, but it just kind of sprung on me. I think it could be something to love, that I could love.
I talked to my mom about it, and and how I love the arts, and how if I could be great at anything in the arts, it would be dancing and acting. She was saying how she sees dancing more as me, because it's more athletic. I said how much I love acting, and I love theatre, and I don't know how good I am but I love it. She said I was really good at it, but that I was better at it more than I loved it. That dance would be good for me, because things like dance and sports are more me. I'm more athletic. I love running, I like some sports. And I love the arts. I love it, I do. But this is an art, and something that takes being fit. The running with cross country this summer, if I really do it, will make me able to do anything. I'll be able to dance and do sports and feel good when I act. I want to find my place, and be good at something, and something beautiful. Theatre will always be my home, and I'll always love it, no matter how good I am at it, but it's not me, though I know it and love it and live it, it's not what I know I can be great at.
Heather took dance until her freshman year, and she loved it. It was her, a part of her, and the fact that she loved it so just makes it that much more appealing. I just want so much to love it as much as she did, kind of do her justice because she loves theatre so much now. Which is fine, but dance will always be a part of her and I just...
I want something to be so much a part of me, and this is something I can see myself loving.
it's like Hair said, " I don't know, but this could be for you, what guitar is for me."
Which I get. I get that it could be great, because Hair loves guitar, it's his passion.
I just want a passion, something to love any do and maybe be good at.
I'm just excited. And that's my goal. I want to work towards it.
I've figured out what I want to work towards, what I want to do.

Hey, YOU!

Are you ready to have a great time?!
Are you ready to sit in the rain and watch the sun set, drink tea out of mason jars and sit on your porch?
Volunteer at the thrift store and spend nights crying over The Outsiders, reading books that we love and drinking raspberry (strawberry) smoothies?
Sleep all day, run into town at night, stay up til five and watch the morning light?
I'm. Ready.
Because it may not a repeat, and it may not be exact, but we're going to make it fun, that's for fact.
We're going to make memories, and we'll love each other more, it's okay if you get sick of me because I don't care.

(What the hell is with the rhyming?)
I'm ready to do new things, and do them with you. I'm ready to spend a summer with blue blue blue.
sky.
I'm ready for rain.
I'm ready for sun.
I'm ready for books, and trips to Tuscon.
I'm ready for you, to stay with me.
And I'm glad. Because you're my best friend:]
Ever. :p

Graduation.

I'm proud, I'm sad, I'm happy, I hate it.
A lot of those kids have been my family for the last year. I mean, I've seen all of them grow, I've grown, and I love them.
I bawled my eyes out last night.

I really teared up when Shay got up there, but my the time Blake was walking across the stage, I was bawling. I know I'll see Shay again, so even though it's sad, it's okay. But with Blake, Steph, Cass, Fran, all of these wonderful people I might not ever see again.
And that breaks my heart.
I haven't cried that much in a long time.


Blake was the first to grab me and pull me into a hug.
He just hugged me and told me he loved me. Which means a lot, because I know with him, he and our family have been through a lot. And I just kind of took it to heart. I love the kid. I just want to make sure I spend as much time with the people that mean so much to me as I can this summer. Because in 80 days, it'll ALL be different. All of it.

I stepped away and Heather told me it'd be okay, because by then my face was tear streaked and wasn't going to go away any time soon. I needed her right then.
Because I know the exact same thing is going to happen next year.
Next I found Steph. I'm so proud of her, she's been through a lot too, but she made it, and now she gets to go live her life.
I grabbed Shay, Dylan tackled me, I hugged Jessica Jeffs and Annah, kids that I'm not very close to anymore but still love, and people I hope to be in my future.
After all the crying and hugging, the congratulating and loving, Heather, Britni, Tucker, Ellie and I all went to Denny's, had some good times, and headed home.

Probably the most emotional day I've had in..
Months.
It was very... exhausting.
And I'm glad it's over, but also not. Because now it's summer, but that means everything, EVERYTHING will change.
Which is good, change is good.
I'm just scared.
And I have to work myself up to be ready for it.

I'm just glad I have Heather to help. Because we need to change with eachother, and I need to grow apart from people that are leaving.
I'm ready, I am.



(Okay, did you hear me? IT'S SUMMER! And I'm so so excited. I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THINGS.
And it starts early Monday morning. The rest of this weekend is for recuperating. IT'S SUMMER! Summer summer summer. FINALLY.)

I'm here. I'm ready. I'm waiting and changing and being.
Finally.
Summer is in three days, and I'm just so pumped , so ready.
I want to leave notes in people's mailboxes, I want to get a Polariod camera by May 30 and take one picture every day of the summer. I want to work hard, and spend time with people I adore.
And I'm working on it.
I can just feel the change happening in me.
I'm transforming. and I'm so glad.
Because it's what I've been waiting for.

Today I went outside to read, with a camera in hand, and I took pictures.
The clouds were dark, and it was breezy. The flowers had bloomed, roses, tulips, and dandy lions, finally.
I sat on my sat on my swing and read, listening to music.
I let the breeze brush my hair, I felt the rain drops come down on my skin.
First time it's rained in awhile.
I love rain in the summer up here, it's gorgeous. The smell has no comparison, and it's the best thing out there.
I think the atmosphere was ready to start clean, so it all let go.
And now, I feel like everything's going to be different, from here on out, it's all going to be good.

There's nowhere left to go but up.

For the love of Heather. :]

Websites to remember:

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/15131

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/mysterious-little-people-hard

http://www.colerise.com/

http://www.vertustech.com/blog/2008/02/11/32/

http://www.markseliger.com/

(for photography) :]

Please

I ran today for the first time in probably two months. It felt so damn good. I went away for about a half hour and it was just good. I can't wait to start doing it more. It's so nice out, and I love this weather lately. Summer is just around the corner, and I know I say it a lot, but I am so dang excited I can barely stand it.

I'm just ready to feel good, I'm ready to spend time with people I love and stop spending time with people I don't. I'm ready to find what I need and get rid of what I don't, get my priorities in order and love every second of summer, of living, rather than worrying about what'll happen the next day. I'm ready to be happy again. It's all just a part of getting my priorities in order.
To know what I need to do.
Know what I want to do.
Work for what I want.
Read more.
Smile more.
Eat healthy.
Run more.
Love more.
Be more.

Kids, I'm ready for change.
So here I come, ready or not.