1. List 20 things you want to say to 20 different people but you know you never will.

2. Don’t say who they are.

3. Feel free to comment, but don’t confirm or answer anything.

4. Never discuss it again.

- i want things to be like they were, and im trying.. but i dont want to try.

- i miss who you used to be.

-i envy you most, don't you know?

- you're so confident, it makes me proud.

- no, it really isn't cool to sneak out to hang with someone who's going to use you anyway.

- let us make up our own flippin characters. stop playing us like puppets.

- i want to be good enough for you, but it's hard when you don't notice me.

- i love your humor, but i can't take it all the time. you're a little overwhelming.

- i know your problems, but because i hang out with them doesn't mean you should exclude me too.

- you're the funniest kid i know.

- i don't hate you, and im really going to miss you.

- i hate you so much, don't act like we're friends and try to take all my others away. i don't care about you and neither do they.

- don't be controlling, just let things happen.

- if i had the courage and it wasn't weird, it'd be so cool to go to homecoming with you, yeah.

- please stop using me?

- no, actually, you're really annoying.

- i miss me being there too.

- we should be best friends for real.

- i cant stand youuu.

- when you don't complain all the time, you're really fun.

Being me..

I’m gonna freak out, soon. I snapped a lot today, luckily to the people that care about me and don’t take it personally. I feel bad all the same. It was the first rehearsal and still stressful, and not a lot actually got done, just worse. I have confidence, things just need to chill.

I have to keep my grades up, first for eligibility, and second because I’m aiming for straight A’s. Luckily the play is happening when my only core class is algebra.

I have to work to keep money, and possibly even to have a phone which I’m going to need.

I have to keep my friends and not freak out, though the ones that really care will stick with me.

And I have to do a play- of which Mr. Willard would rather play us like puppets rather than actors, thanks to Shay’s analogy.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do all of this in a set time period and keep on top of it, so I’m kind of nervous. I just really hope people are committed and that I will have faith for it turning out well throughout the whole thing. I want to be able to have a good experience and a good outcome when this is overwith.

But, after it’s all over, about a week after, there’s the state Thespian Conference! Man, I am so pumped for it. Like really, it’s going to be a BLAST. :]

I can do this, I know it, but I’ll need help:]

bahaha!

Heathy, it's like a male.. YOU. i don't know, i was youtube searching:]
i love you.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A THESPIAN WHEN-

-. More then half of your wardrobe consists of scarfs that you wear year-round, and fadora’s.

-. You hear the word “Macbeth” and you shrivel down into fetal position and then do the “counter-curse”

-. You have to have your stomach pumped because you’ve been living off of Top Roman for so long.

-. You can name every single Gershwin/Neil Simon/ Arthur Miller/ Rogers and Hammersteins/ and Sondheim… play/musical every created.

- When you see a fellow thespian at your school you ALWAYS have an inside joke about a show you are doing…or have done and you ALWAYS repeat it with them.

- When the entire cast drops dead with exhaustion when the closing night curtain call is over.

- When you continually say… and all that jazz.

- When everytime you walk into a library the song, “Madamme libraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarian….” pops into your head and you feel ( or do) like dancing around the library.

- You warm up your lips by kissing whoever is next to you backstage.

- When you hear “Heads Up.” you yell thank you and look for the backdrop or scrim that is coming down.

- You become better at stage makeup then actual everyday makeup.

- You can do a perfect immitation of the great and fabulous Ethel Merman

- You wince at daylight.

- You are able to run for food inbetween scenes and do so in record timing.

- Every pair of nylons you have are ripped.

- You use big gestures when speaking to someone.

- You have had an actual Meat-Pie.

- You worship Bernadette Peters

- You know who Bert Williams is.

- You have watched the pbs Broadway special that was 4 hours long… and either taped it or went out and bought it.

~ When you hear your history teacher lecture on the country of BOHEMIA. you instantly start singing La Vi Boheme from RENT.

~ You hear the word TRADITION and you start singing the song and saying Mozel tov to everyone you see.

~ You can’t remember what the original color was on your paint clothes.

~ More then half of your paycheck goes to production fee’s.

~ You begin to read a book for English and you start to do character analysis’ on each character in the book.

~ You listen to a soundtrack and choreograph..and block the entire play in your head.

~ You look at random people and cast them as a part in a play in your mind.

~ You say “Break a Leg” to a person “auditioning” for a part in a sports team.

~ When you are hungry in class you begin to eat pantomime food on your desk.

thank you shay/alex:]

i love you.

just... STOP.

I hate people. Literally. I'm always the middle man, the one left out, the "almost pretty enough", best friend but not really, take advantage of the nice girl-person. And for exactly these reasons. I confide in the people I trust just to be let down time and time again, because I trust too much all of the time. I'm too nice. Too happy. Whatever. I've had so many fake friends it's just ridiculous, and I never understand what I do wrong to be taken advantage of. Thank you "oh so wonderful friends". Ugh, It's a bad day, shut up.

On some other notes I guess, my mom kicks ass. I'm not sure why, but she has like those motherly super powers that, when shes not in a bad mood, she makes me soar, but I guess thats what moms are supposed to do. I'm understanding math and have a steady b average, and Mr. Willard sucks. We need to get this show on the road and start practicing, but thats not going to happen. Whatever. I need social help.

talk about fantasy..

You know when you were a kid and always wish you were a movie star? That's exactly what I feel like. I'm just so happy. I tried out for a play, The Outsiders which is consequently my favorite book of all time and has been made into a movie and PLAY, I got the part I would have always wanted- Cherry Valance. I read the book and I'm like, I would do anything to be her, Ponyboy is my hero. Now I look at it as- I AM CHERRY VALANCE! It's really not a huge part but man, talk about your dreams coming true. And to add on, one of my best friends like ever is doubled with me. How much cooler could it get? Yeah, that's what I thought too, it can't.

Although I'm about as nervous about it as I could ever be, up there on the stage, me really finally acting... I'm about the happiest person you will ever know. I miss the play life, plus I'll get to see Shay more than usual, then again only have about seven hours of work every week for money and no social life..

I love my life. I'm so happy. :O YAY!

20 things about me:]

1. If I could eat one food everyday, it would be cream of wheat. <3
2. If I could, I would sleep more than I was awake.
3. My sister is my very best friend, I love her more than words.
4. I listen to music more than I talk to people.
5. I either forgive too easily, or not easily enough.
6. I have a tendency to say things without thinking.
7. I hold grudges very easily.
8. My favorite color is green, and always has been.
9. I almost always mean what I say.
10. I can't stand ignorant people.
11. I don't believe in god.
12. I hate having one specific best friend.
13. But I love best friends in general.
14. I want to go to college
15. I support Obama- if only I could vote.
16. Chai is one of the best inventions ever made.
17. I love school.
18. I love running.
19. I'm a ginger child :]
20. Twilight is my anti-drug.

I'm

confused. frustrated. annoyed. in distress? in the same way, I'm really happy, and giddy, and happy with life. A couple things I've come to realize- There's just so much I have to do! I think I'm losing connections with one of my best friends and I miss her. I miss her a lot. It reminds me of Twilight, when Jacob just stops talking to Bella? I don't even communicate with her, much less make eye contact. Thank you Mr. Willard for putting your nose in things that aren't your business.
On another note, trying out for a play (AUDITIONS) is one of the most nerve racking things I've ever done. I'm really kind of excited though, even if I don't get a part, I'm happy I did it. I miss the play life.
I love rain, my iPod, Carmex, sleep, the fact that I have wonderful people in my life, and being able to be myself. I love life. Zac Efron is hott, and he really needed voice lessons in high school musical. Anyway, this week, I'm going to cover some things up, bring some things out, get tutored in math, and make everything better- I promise.

the pieces of my heart

These people are some of the most important in my life right now. Every one of them has a piece of my heart.

Ashley Hancock: My, well, everything. I’ve known her since I was what, two? She’s my best friend, and really has been there for me through every single little detail of my life. She knows everything, and now, I think I really appreciate it. When she goes to college, I’m going to be heartbroken. We want to be roommates, and I bet anything in the world that we would be the best. I worry when she’s home too late, and I love her with all my heart.

Heather Renee: Other half? Yeah. I really have only known her less than a year! But over this summer we got sooo close. She means so friggin much to me. We don’t talk half as much as we should now that we go to school together, but she is two years ahead of me, only one if you count in age:] She gives me squeals, and is the only reason I live to watch movies. We’re attached at the hip, and never too far away for a phone call. We talk for hours.. literally.

Cassidi Marie: On and off best friend since 7th grade. hahaha. She really is a total drama queen. :] We’ve been through a lot, and she gets what I’m going through 99.5 percent of the time. haaa. Gorgeous, smart, and my total savior. lol. I couldn’t get along without her, she’s sooo important. She has the best stories, and is the one I tell my secrets to because I know she can handle them.

Blake Anderson: Total jerk, but I love him just as much as I should. He’s the perfect big brother figure, and I love how he really watches out for me. I can beat him up without feeling bad about it (but really it’s the other way around) and he’s great for Shay. I love him a lot, and am very glad to have him in my life.

Dylan Windish: Exactly the second older sister I’ve had since I was in second grade. She is my counselor and my guidance, and god she’s so crazy. :] I really do love her with everything I have, and mostly, I look up to her. I try my hardest to really listen to what she has to say. She’s pretty amazing.

Francisco Bravo: The best bitch I have ever known. lol. Soo unique, You’d be lucky if you could find someone like him in a lifetime. He has a ring of authority about him and reminds me very much of a leader, and that’s the position he brings upon people. He’s one special guy, and I’m pretty lucky to have a friend like him.

Deanna Sycamore: We’ve had some of the best memories I’ve ever had together. I think we both had a little bit of growing up to do, but we’re on the right track and I think it’s a good thing. She listens to what I have to say, and understands when we disagree. She’s been there for me when I need it, and has been a big part of my life. We blow off a lot of what we say we’re going to do but never do, but in the end I care about her more than I care about a lot of people. We’ve had a couple of pretty great fights but they all were supposed to happen. I love youuu.

Parents: Both my mom and my dad have made me exactly who I am. They’re the inspiration in my life, they tell me to keep going, and they never give up on me. My dad brings out different things in me. He taught me how to dirtbike, which is one of my favorite pastimes, and he’s always there. My mom is the one I bring everything to. I talk to her, cry to her, I can get mad at her and yell, but all in all, she’s my mom, and she’ll always be there. They are my whole heart.

Let me know if I left you out, I'll add you in:]