Giving Thanks

Basically, if it weren't for the people that are in my life right now, I would be a complete mess. I owe you everything I have, and love you with my entire heart, I promise. Thanks guys. You mean more than you know.


Shayshay,
Blake,
Heather,
Levi,
Cassidi,
Deanna,
Britni,
Steph,
Franny,
Dylan,
Mom,
Dad,
and the rest of my whole family.
THANK YOU





Have a great Thanksgiving.

Hearing your voice, it's like music.

I had to, I read Cassidi's and I'm like hey, I'm going to go do that now! :] Thankss.
10 nice things to say to 10 different people.

1. You are the strongest and most important person I know. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be half the person I am now. I need you more than anything or anyone. I tell you everything, and you give me the advice I need. I need you, but not only because you make me food. :p It's a good thing you're all mine:]

2. You were there for me during the hardest part of this year. For that, I thank you. But really, you mean more to me than a lot of people. You're one of the kindest people I know, and you help me breathe. I can talk to you about what's going on with me, and you don't get jealous, or mad, or annoyed. You love me and you listen.<3

3. You are my sunshine. I think about you and I smile at the thought. We've had the best times together, and learned that fighting just makes us closer. You're the only one that makes me laugh so hard my tummy hurts. You know so much about me, I'm sorry I can never focus. We'll get it back, I promise.

4. You drive me everywhere, let me yell at you, and laugh at me when I'm mad. You make fun of me and wrestle with me, I love you. You make me happy when I don't want to be, and attempt to make me laugh at myself because I sound stupid. You show me how to be myself. <3

5. I think you're one of the main reasons I've been happy lately. Just being around you makes me feel safe, and I love it. You care about me, and no matter what happens, I'll be there for you. You mean a lot to me already, and I know you will in the future. Thank you for everything you've done, I owe you. I'm sure we're going to go far:]

6. I miss being best friends with you. I envy you in so many ways. It's so easy to talk to you, it reminds me of how things used to be, and I'm sorry we're not like that anymore, but we'll be fine. We may not be "best friends", but we can be close, and that's good enough for me, because I love you:]

7. You're one of those people that's not afraid to do things. I love hanging out with you, you're just so out there. We have the same interests and you make me laugh, which is a must. I love you to death honey.

8. I'm sorry I don't show how much I really do care about you. You've changed a lot, even for the better. It's because of you I know myself. You don't question everything and you take it for what it is. You support Shay any Blake, which is more than I can say for a lot of people, and that means more to me than I can say.

9. Although you were very controlling, you helped me become a beginner actress. It was hard, and you deserve more gratitude. I owe you more than I can show.

10. I don't know you well, but you make me happy. I'm sorry for what I might do hurts you, just know that I'm not trying to- it's not my intention. Sometimes, things just happen. I know that I love you, even just barely, and I hope we can be good friends in the future. :]

All I Ask.

Could you be the one to make me fall?
I am always running, will you follow?
Catch me if you dare, tame me and I'll never go.
All I ask is that you'll love me.
And should you cry, I'll drink your tears,
I would kill your enemies,
Walk into a burning house to save you,
And all I ask is that you'll love me.
All I ask is that you'll love me.
If I fall again.

I remember when I was jealous of my friends. Of my good friends. Maybe that's why I was friends with them at all, but I doubt that. But it's like.. Cass, I think maybe I was jealous of her because she was so beautiful, she was loved by everyone that was around her. There was Deanna, She was the most gorgeous person I knew. She got all the attention & always got what she wanted. Why, I'm not sure, but she wasn't afraid to ask for things. Maybe it wasn't jealousy, maybe it was envy. I could have just been proud. Proud that they were my friends. I got to claim them as mine. Maybe it's because I wanted to be like them.

Now, I don't. I like being me. I know who I am, and I'm proud of myself. Proud there's no one like me. Now, I'm happy that they call me their friends. Cass, Heather, Deanna. Yeah they're my friends, but now I'm theirs too. I'm creating who I want to be one step at a time, by myself- so that I can be proud of who and where I am.

I think I like being wanted. Feeling loved, feeling safe. Maybe half the time that's all I want, and I'm cool with that, cause I also know that's what I have. I know I'm loved. I know I'm safe. I know my ground.

Right now, I just need to stabilize my relationships with the people I care about and set them in the places they're supposed to be in my mind. Everyone has they're own category in my head, I just gotta get my priorities straight.
I gotta get my head straight.

I like this whole "being happy" thing. It's what I need.

10.

10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1) I love you.
2) I'm sorry for being a bitch, I know he's only your friend.
3) Thanks for supporting me. You mean a ton.
4) Don't leave me, okay?
5) I need you.
6) You mean more now than ever. Just stick around, k?
7) I'm all for it. Really. :]
8 ) I miss you.
9) Please leave, I don't like you.
10) It'll all be worth it.

9 Things people probably don’t know about you:

1) I love being cold.
2) I hate soda.
3) I love dirtbiking.
4) I wish I had a pet snake.
5) I want to be a vegetarian.
6) I hate myspace.
7) I want to be a doctor when I grow up.
8 ) I still watch cartoons with my little brother.
9) I have an obsession with jackets.

8 ways to win your heart:

1) Compliment me.
2) Make me laugh.
3) Watch chick flicks with me.
4) Tell the truth.
5) Be able to talk to me.
6) Allow me to do things even if I think I can't.
7) Make me feel wanted.
8) Make me think.

7 awesome movies:

1) Charlie Bartlett
2) V for Vendetta
3) The Notebook
4) Pulp Fiction
5) The Princess Bride
6) Rent
7) The Breakfast Club

6 things you do before you fall asleep:

1) Shower
2) Brush my teeth
3) Wash my face
4) Occasionally laundry
5) Read
6) Set alarm

5 people who mean a lot: (no order)

1) Shay
2) Jake
3) Molly
4) Mom
5) Dad

4 things you don’t like:
1) Chapped lips :p
2) Ignorance
3) People
4) Dirty clothes

3 things you like:
1) Food. haa
2) Brushing my teeth
3) The smell and feel of Christmas.

2 things you want to do before you die:
1) Become a doctor
2) Sky Dive

1 confession
1) I do care what people think, but I care more about how I feel if this happens.

Just so

Relieved. You know that feeling after you've done something great? The amount of adrenaline in your system that just makes you soar? After you've done something, and you know you've done it well, how great it feels? I can't explain it to someone who doesn't know what that feels like. To be just so happy you can't think about anything else? You don't care what's wrong, all you know is you've done well, and you're just.. happy. How your heart beats and your head twirls, how you can't walk straight and can't stop smiling.. can't you feel it? The energy, the excitement, the joy, the gratification? Can't you feel it in the atmosphere?
No, but I can.
I feel it everywhere. I could go anywhere and feel it.
I couldn't explain how wonderful it feels.
How happy I am.
How great it is not not worry about anything.
To be loved, not hurt.
To be happy, and not sad.
To be excited, and not tired.
To not being able to sleep.
To just be.
Just be.


Yeah, I can feel it.

Me me me.

Today, I woke up happy. I just felt like it was going to be a good day, and it really was.
Went to first hour, PE, and just ran & messed around. It was pretty bomb. I love the kids in there.
Second hour we worked in the auditorium for the fire scene and got it down pretty well- I'm proud to say tonight was the best fire we've had thanks to the people who worked on it this morning:]
Lunch, I went with Cass and Haylee bee to Safeway and just hung out. Cass exploded her soda water everywhere and we all laughed for ten minutes. It was pretty great.
Third hour, we went to an assembly and got rallied up just for the heck of it. The dance team was amazing and the band blew everyone's socks off. No wonder they got a superior:]
Fourth hour I understood what we're actually doing, which is relieving. I was getting worried because I didn't understand it. Now, I'll probably pass math. I'm pretty stoked about that most definitely.
After school, my Heather came over and we hung out until call. I cleaned my room and had some laughs. Bogus.
Call was great, I wasn't stressed and only a little nervous. Leah curled my hair and did a great job- it actually held. I got done early and was really excited to go on stage. Got into character and had a lot of energy- which was good, my family was there<3
All in all, it was a great day. I'm really upset it's all over, for me at least. Tomorrow will be good, but I really am going to miss this cast. Within the two weeks we've performed, we've all gotten closer. I love them like a family, and for the most part, we get along. They all made me feel so good tonight, I really think I proved myself and did well as my last night. My family complimented me endlessly, friends too, even people I didn't know. This one lady asked for my autograph. It was a little weird, but at the same time gratifying. It was wonderful, at the least, I don't know what I'm going to do now. I'll actually have a life.
A social life..
The play was so much a part of me for so long, it's going to be hard to let it go. It's going to be weird not to have things to do after school. I'm really not going to be able to get used to it for awhile. I loved today, and these last two months. I loved it.

Closing night tomorrow. They'll all rock and I'll get to be backstage cheering them all on. I'm so excited and so sad at the same time. It's like I don't know what to feel.
I love right now.

Damn good?

Honey, you got it right. Life is damn good. More than you might think. I'm so happy to be where I am. Things just have to stay this way. I hope they stay this way. God I hope they stay this way.

1. I'm going to miss you so much when you leave me. No matter how close or far, I'll miss you. You are one part of me, more than anyone. You mean the world to me, and when you leave, I'm not going to let you keep me away. You're my savior for everything that's happened to me. Without you, I wouldn't be me. I love you.

2. Yes, I love your obnoxious singing, I love it to death. I love your pearly white teeth, your bright blue eyes, you blond eyelashes. I love your laughter, it lights you up, makes me feel better inside. If it weren't for you last year, I don't know how I would have made it through the whole summer. Honey, you're the best. Sure we've had hard times, but really, at the end of the day, I couldn't stand myself if it weren't for you. You pick me up and make me feel good. You make me laugh, and I love you.

3. Sorry, I don't think it's cool that you got drunk and made a fool of yourself. I love you, but seriously?

4. I want it to happen, I think it would be a good thing if we went with the flow, saw what happened in a new experience. After all, what've we got to lose?

5. I'm sorry I get so jealous so easily, it's how I am. I love you truly and dearly, so don't leave me okay?

6. Stop tring to take my best friend? She doesn't want you honey, so leave.

7. I love you. Thank you for being happy for me when I needed it the most. You mean a lot, and we have a lot to go through within these next four years, and I hope we'll see eachother out through it all, cause I won't make it without you.

Cherry Valance?

It's official, I am now Cherry Valance. Quite literally on the stage. It's my dream come true, at most. Although opening night was a MESS, it went alright for having no preparation. By Saturday matinee, we were golden:] I was told I was an amazing actress by a director of the college, which boosted my self esteem. It was pretty great, I can't wait to perform for my family this weekend. I'm going to miss it, the drama, and the love we all feel now, what, 2 months in? As much as I thought I wouldn't say it, I'm kind of going to miss this cast, no matter how much they made me cry. It was all worth it.
We all went to Denny's after the last Saturday performance, and though that could have been grander, what happened after was better. To say the least, it was a good day. :]

Cass, you're my hero. You've helped me more than I could have asked for, I don't know what I would have done without you during this whole ordeal. You're my anchor, my rock, you keep me standing on my feet. I don't want what we've established in these two months to go away. Your friendship means more than I can put into words. I love you, okay?

It's 9:52 and there's about an inch? of snow on the ground. Say hello to winter kids, it's here. Hopefully, we wont have a snow day tomorrow. I'm looking forward to school.
In the least, I just want to say that through everything, my life is wonderful. If it weren't for this play, the drama, the heartache, I've made it through it all and now everything is okay. I'm excited with everything now. We have another week to perform, then the 19? I leave for Thespian Conference. I'm stoked.

:D Thanks guys.

OBAMA

OBAMA IS PRESIDENT!
HE WON HE WON HE WON!!!!
OH MY GOD!


Holy shoot.

Tag tag tag.

What are the last three things you purchased?
My Flight 409
Taco Belll
And I'm sure some other food.

What are the last three songs you downloaded??
Uhh, lemme check my iTunes?

What are the last three places you visited??
Uhh, does the auditorium count?
Tucson, Az,
aanndd I don't remember where else.

What are your three favorite movies??
Charlie Bartlett
The Other Boleyn Girl
Cashback
(for today:p)

What are your three favorite possessions??
My Night Night :D
My Outsiders BOOK
Hair Ties

What three things can you not live without??
Love
Food
Oxygen :D

but no,
my toothbrush,
internet,
musiccc

What would be your three wishes??
1.) Long long curly curly hair.
2.) For Obama to win, WAIT HE ALREADY DID!
3.) to be happy

What three things haven’t you done yet??
1.) blogged today!
2.) moved into my room
3.) my homework

What are your three favorite dishes??
homemade mac'n'cheese
chicken gnocchi from Olive Garden

Which three celebrities would you most like to hang out with??
Jim Sturgess
Barack Obama!
Brad Pitt

Name three things that freak you out??
1.) Not eating.
2.) The Elections
3.) Fighting

Name three unusual things you are good at.?
1.) Not singing
2.) Reading out loud?
3.) Wonderful grammar

Which three things are you coveting??
1.) iPod times three
2.) my friends
3.) my happiness

Tag three bloggers to do it!?
umm, Shay
Alex
My mom?

Really? Really really?

I miss old theatre. I miss the feel, the atmosphere, the people, the times, the happiness.
This play has taken everything I have. I feel so empty. I'm never happy. If I am, it's only for maybe a day, two at most. Then something goes wrong that gets me down again. I'm so sick of being sad, of having no one to depend on. I know, my blogs are all about complaining now. Sorry guys. I just want to be happy. It's kind of like what Cass and I were talking about yesterday. How being a freshman was like being fresh. I can be happy after I get over this road bump, after I get around it, after I find some way over it, I'll be okay. It just seems like once I get past that road bump, I have to get over ten more to be okay. It's so hard, and I'm so tired of it. I mean, I feel like I just attract drama, and I don't even want it, not one bit. I was happy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. It was so so nice not to have to worry about anything, and just be. You know? I just feel like this play, the people I used to love and now hate each other, like it's all bringing me down all of the time. I need help. I want to be done. Done being sad.
I ask for too much, but, can't I just be happy without someone having to bring me down? Without someone wanting to rain on my parade because I'm happy?

Sorry guys, I'm sick of being a downer too. Really, I promise. It'll be over soon.