Come on get higher.

Can I just say how happy I am?
How amazing everything is right now?
Yeah Cass, there's a lot of happy in the air.
It's everywhere.
I'm so happy you're happy. I don't care about anything else. The fact that your honest-to-god happy with the way things are, I'm right there with you honey.
It's just giddy happy. I can't think of a time where I've ever been like this for so long. It's pretty amazing. This break really has been just. Amazing.
Here's how it's been:
Friday (starting the 19) was my first time to Bridal Fair, hung out with Tea, Bee, and my Cass, and Cass&I went on our "date." :p
Saturday(20) Shay's birthday & spending the night at Heather's.
Sunday(21) Heather's, then she came over to my house. Spent the night.
Monday(22) Home, Heater went home, I went & hung out with Forney, Levi, Justin, Andrea, and Athena. Got snowed in.
Tuesday(23) Got home. Stayed home. :]
Wednesday(24) Christmas Eve! The best one.
Thursday(25)Christmas! Family time, good time. :]
Friday(26) Hung out with Shay, Alex, Chelsea, Adrian, Chelsea's family and one of her friends.
Saturday(27) Bee and I hung out, got some books, went and saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.<3 Then, Supernatural! (Squee:D)
Sunday(28) Bee's house, lots of cookies, and The Spirit. That was good too.
Monday(Today!) Hung out with Levi, Justin, Andrea for awhile, that was a blast. Later Bee and Tea joined us and we had all sorts of adventures.

It's just been good. I know what I've done isn't really all that exciting, but it is to me. I always talk about during breaks, I want to do things and not sit at home. This time, I did what I wanted to do. It's been so much fun and I've just been so happy. The fact that I haven't seen Cass since the 19 kind of really bums me out, but I'll see her New Year's Eve. :] I'm just extremely, unconditionally happy. Athena, Andrea, Bee and I (at separate times) all got a bit closer, which really just warms my heart. They're such good people and I love them a whole lot. It's insane. I never would have figured things would work out the way they have lately.
I'm just happy about being happy, that Shay and Cass are happy, too.
If anything, I would want them to be happy all the time. Right now, they are.

I know. It's not much to read. Just me going on about how great everything is, but I don't care- so suck it. :]

Incoming: New Year's Eve, New Year's, and a whole bunch of starting over.
It's a good thing.

Christmas time. <3

It was a good Christmas. Really good. I haven't been feeling the spirit, but it was nice to hang with family. Blake and Steph even came for most of the day and had dinner with us. It really had nothing to do with presents, because I don't really care, though those were great too. :]
List? Sure. :]
1. Like, seven books. To kill a Mockingbird, Fight Club, The first Harry Potter(I needed a new one), The Other Boleyn Girl, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, The Audacity of Hope, and The Tales of Beetle the Bard. I'm really excited to read them. I'll start soon. :]
2. Clothes, awesome awesome clothes. I was really excited, I'll start wearing them tomorrow:p I love clothes. :D
3. My Iowa Hoodie! My grandma got me one from Iowa, I've wanted one forever. Basically made my day, along with something else, but never mind that.
4. Some other random things, a towel, I think, some soaps, a bracelet, and an adorable teddy bear:] (Cass, I'll tell you the story when I talk to you.)

All in all, it was great. We had a family dinner, and watched WallE. I loved it.
Today was great. Thanks guys.

Take me away.

It's snowing.
Big beautiful flakes.
It's snowing and I've just spend the last three days better than anyone could imagine.
It's been great, and I really think this break could be amazing.

"To escape the rut of a rotten life and become a someone... I've been hiding this somewhat perennial persona of myself for almost years.
The great great white world that has been drained of all its color has slowly been drifting away outside the window. I could write and write a million words to kill the strain, but it'd be useless.. you made it all to me. The green day-- for closure has been enclosed in the words of "yellow led better" (a box or a bag). Make something of this useless nonsense, because I was merely a senior. High high, high school to be the last resort to feel almost alive and the acquitted somewhat retarded girl. I have spoken the peace of peace. When the sun vacates for so long, you almost forget what the beams taste like. "

There have been a lot of signs. Signs that show everything will turn out how it's supposed to. It's not even funny.
Everything is perfect even with the fact that it's not. Nothing is ever perfect. But it can be perfect for me, for you.
For us.

It's funny. You can never really predict the future. It's kind of like guess and check. You think that one thing will happen, and a completely different thing occurs. It's cool to have a life that never gets boring. All in the same, it's kind of scary. I like knowing that everything's good. So for now, I won't worry.

I have so many people to thank how I feel right now, it's ridiculous.
I love it.

I think I've gotten my hip re-attached. It feels good. I've missed her. More than she knows.
I really think I know who my close friends are.
They're here, they know who they are, I thank them.

Just like that, within fifteen minutes, I'm living in a winter wonderland. It's crazy beautiful, insanely cold, and so very happy.
Cass makes me feel crazy happy. I love that girl with my whole heart.

It's good.

Bahah.

Heather says I'm Bret.
Cause I'm a weedy shy guy?
Not.
It's us, supposedly:]

When the world says give up, hope says try it one more time.

Snow makes everything better. It brings back memories, makes new ones, makes me feel good. Winter, considering from Halloween to probably the middle or end of March, are the best months.
I guess I can't explain it, because every season brings memories, but summer and winter are the main two.
Winter is my favorite time of year. The cold, the snow, the clouds, it all makes me feel a certain way that I don't feel anytime else.
There's Christmas, and New Years. They change everything. Relationships with people begin, and some end, some stay the same. Things happen that you wont ever be able to recreate.
Like, how the people who've been here awhile can remember back to the year it snowed 3 feet in March, How last year it snowed during June even, I guess maybe they're just things that you can't change.
Examples:
This year, I performed my first play and had my first kiss? in the beginning of November.
Last year, in November, was the first time Heather and I met, and instantly, we became best friends.
Last year, Tucker, Tierra, Heather, Shay and I played in the snow and built snowmen that we plowed over with Tucker's car.
My seventh grade year, late October or November, I met Cassidi, one of the people I count on the most this year. We've known each other for three or four years. It's crazy.

Things just happen.
I have the best memories of winter, in winter.
:]

My Happy list.

Happy happy happy<3


1. Snow, playing in the snow, when it's snowing, etc.
2. Christmas time.
3. Long intelligent conversations.
4. When my mom makes me french toast.
5. Myspace?
6. My Cassidi.
7. Reading for long periods of time.
8. Anything that happens during Winter break.
9. Blogging.
10. Sweet compliments.
11. Being warm when it's cold outside.
12. Getting clothes, buying clothes, clothes in general.
13. Baking for Christmas.
14. Christmas shopping.
15. Going to my grandma's old house in Iowa.
16. Having a clean room.
17. Talking and laughing with my Heathy.
18. Being happy.
19. Movies.
20. Showering.
:]

The person you want to be is not nearly as important as who you are right now.

I think the snow factor lately has had a huge improvement on my attitude. It's great. I just feel happy, I am happy. With a few other exceptions, but it's almost winter break, I've got a lot of my Christmas shopping done, I get to bake, it's been snowing, it's just a good time of year.
Christmas season is my favorite.

I feel like I don't have much to talk about, everything's just been good.
I miss Heather. I really do. It's weird, I barely ever see her anymore, I feel like I don't know what to do to fix our relationship. It's hard, hopefully winter break will help everything out, I really want it to. We used to be attached at the hip. Now I don't know where my hip went.

With that being as it is, I've become closer with some other friends, and even made new ones. Leah and Hair pretty much make my life.
Hair's been a good friend, and I really hope after this semester, even when we don't have a class together, that we're still good friends. He's a great person.

Leah just listens to all my complaining, I really appreciate it.

Cass and I have bonded a lot lately. I don't know what'd I'd have without her. I love her with my very whole heart.

This year will leave on a good note.
I'm glad to at least have that.

Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to.

Because of you.

I love this blog, it helps me breathe. I look forward to reading it every day. It's the reason I wake up, besides Cassidi:p


I spend most of my nights outside, looking for ways to make you smile.

I don't care how many fish there are in the sea. I don't want a fish. I want you.

It's not your watch I care about. It's the time you keep.

Wait. But don't wait too long. Work hard. But don't forget how to play. Sing loudly. But don't learn all the words. Wonder. But not so much that you lose yourself. Read magazines. But read more books.
Love.

You don't have to be the person you tell people you are. You can just be who you are.

Just tell them how you feel. Is anyone going to die?
No.
But one day, you will.
Would you like to do that before or after you tell them?

Let love not be like lightning. Let me feel this way again one day, even if I lose you.

Create. Not because you want to or because the mood grabs you or just because you happen to feel like it. Create because you need to. Because it feels like if you don't, you might die.

The most creative thing you can do is tell the truth.

If you're looking for love, you won't find it.
If you're not, you will.

I miss you sitting next to me. I miss you falling asleep. I miss carrying you to bed. I miss looking at the ceiling and listening to you breathing.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

I hope you get what you want or you want something new. I hope you appreciate how you feel now when you start to feel differently. I hope you spend your time with someone you love, even it's just you.

You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in.
You get a second chance, every second.

You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain.

Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

Love. Happy happy love.

I think I can be happy without wanting things. I wanted things so badly, and once you get your hopes up- if they get crushed, you get crushed. It doesn't work.
Today my family, with the help of Blake, put up the Christmas tree. Before we did, my mom said, "It's not important, it's not like there will be any presents to put under it anyway."
It kind of broke my heart. Christmas is a big deal in my family, not necessarily the holiday itself, but the Christmas spirit in general. It felt like my mom crushed the spirit, I just felt really bad. It's a little hard to put in words, I just didn't think any of my family would say something like that.
Sure, we are pretty dirt poor right now, but that doesn't mean things won't get better. I don't really mind not having presents, it's not like I need anything, but Christmas is about being happy. It kind of hurt.

This weekend was a bit boring. I didn't really do much of anything, watched movies and cried, but I think it was the good kind of crying. P.S. I love you was something worth crying over if that makes any sense. It was a cute movie.
Tonight Shay, Nick, and I saw Twilight. I realized how much I really do hate it, and frankly I don't know why I saw it twice. I thought it was horrible, I had better expectations. Whatever.

It was neat to hang out with a person I don't know well, someone new, and he's a really great person. It was sweet. I need to meet new people.
Not saying I don't love the people that are in my life, I've really needed them.
New things are just good, too.
I've been in a weird place lately, and I need people. I need Shay basically more than anyone, but I've been thinking about how she's leaving next year. So is my Blake, Cass, Dylan, Fran, a whole chunk of my heart is leaving. I was talking to Shay tonight and said that when she leaves, my heart is going to be ripped in half and stomped on ten times. It's going to hurt. I love her more than anyone. It's hard to think she's not going to be here every day.
I'll be happy.
Get happy.
Happier.
Soon.

Not a chance.

Fine, feeling fine.
Happy, conditionally.
Love, more than I should.
Trust, more than worth it.

I've loved that feeling. The feeling of being fine. It'll change, always does, already has. It's weird. I haven't wanted anything so much before to just let it all go. Things wont change how I feel right now, that much I know. I wish they would.

Hair says I'm too kind. I don't think it's so much as kind, but I just do. I do things for people I care about. Think I care about. Cared about. I like being happy, I'll still be happy. I'll be fine. I know.

Today changed a lot. Feelings for people, reasoning, most things changed today. I felt bad I couldn't help my best friend when she needed it just because I couldn't skip math. That kind of hurt.
I got hurt today.
Not enough to not recover from it anytime soon. Maybe a week. Maybe a month. I can't judge my emotions that far. But I'm fine. I just need some comfort. Kind of badly.

I'm done, as of now, having a pity party for myself. Done.