Love. Happy happy love.

I think I can be happy without wanting things. I wanted things so badly, and once you get your hopes up- if they get crushed, you get crushed. It doesn't work.
Today my family, with the help of Blake, put up the Christmas tree. Before we did, my mom said, "It's not important, it's not like there will be any presents to put under it anyway."
It kind of broke my heart. Christmas is a big deal in my family, not necessarily the holiday itself, but the Christmas spirit in general. It felt like my mom crushed the spirit, I just felt really bad. It's a little hard to put in words, I just didn't think any of my family would say something like that.
Sure, we are pretty dirt poor right now, but that doesn't mean things won't get better. I don't really mind not having presents, it's not like I need anything, but Christmas is about being happy. It kind of hurt.

This weekend was a bit boring. I didn't really do much of anything, watched movies and cried, but I think it was the good kind of crying. P.S. I love you was something worth crying over if that makes any sense. It was a cute movie.
Tonight Shay, Nick, and I saw Twilight. I realized how much I really do hate it, and frankly I don't know why I saw it twice. I thought it was horrible, I had better expectations. Whatever.

It was neat to hang out with a person I don't know well, someone new, and he's a really great person. It was sweet. I need to meet new people.
Not saying I don't love the people that are in my life, I've really needed them.
New things are just good, too.
I've been in a weird place lately, and I need people. I need Shay basically more than anyone, but I've been thinking about how she's leaving next year. So is my Blake, Cass, Dylan, Fran, a whole chunk of my heart is leaving. I was talking to Shay tonight and said that when she leaves, my heart is going to be ripped in half and stomped on ten times. It's going to hurt. I love her more than anyone. It's hard to think she's not going to be here every day.
I'll be happy.
Get happy.
Happier.
Soon.