I miss old theatre. I miss the feel, the atmosphere, the people, the times, the happiness.
This play has taken everything I have. I feel so empty. I'm never happy. If I am, it's only for maybe a day, two at most. Then something goes wrong that gets me down again. I'm so sick of being sad, of having no one to depend on. I know, my blogs are all about complaining now. Sorry guys. I just want to be happy. It's kind of like what Cass and I were talking about yesterday. How being a freshman was like being fresh. I can be happy after I get over this road bump, after I get around it, after I find some way over it, I'll be okay. It just seems like once I get past that road bump, I have to get over ten more to be okay. It's so hard, and I'm so tired of it. I mean, I feel like I just attract drama, and I don't even want it, not one bit. I was happy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. It was so so nice not to have to worry about anything, and just be. You know? I just feel like this play, the people I used to love and now hate each other, like it's all bringing me down all of the time. I need help. I want to be done. Done being sad.
I ask for too much, but, can't I just be happy without someone having to bring me down? Without someone wanting to rain on my parade because I'm happy?
Sorry guys, I'm sick of being a downer too. Really, I promise. It'll be over soon.
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3 comments:
Stay Gold, Karadoll... Stay gold.
For real, though... I have this theory: Ben came back. And with him there, I felt the entire mood lift! And when Alex was there, it got even better.
We've got a cast of complete newbies. They don't know the thrill of performing a good show. Even you, my Doll... You've been around, but being onstage, hearing the applause... There's nothing in the world like it. I think when people can feel that, feel it in their bones, their souls...
I think things will get better.
In the meantime, love, Stay Gold.
-Kitty
Kara.
i've really been avoiding talking to you because you sure know how to rip out a girl's heart.
what hurt the most about your apology doll, and the reason i acted like i hadn't seen it was because of your line.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure of what I am apologzing for."
then DON'T apologize to me, please.
You were only apologizing to try and cheer me up, [which i appreciate] rather than because you were actually sorry. [which i hated.]
This entire play love, you know that it has been you and cassidi, you and cassidi, you and cassidi.
and then blake needed a friend, i chose to be that friend, and it turned out to be a good investment. He makes me laugh when i feel like crying, he knows what to say to get my head out of the sand, he never made me feel like i was second best.
like you did.
i know now doll that that wasn't your intention, i should have known that from the beginning. but i was so used to seeing you and it being YOU & I. all of our memories kara, are of us alone. just you and me.
it was weird to have another person.
and i think that is how you felt too, replaced.
and it sucks, a lot. a lot, a lot, a lot.
because i didn't understand why you were cutting my throat, when all i did was something to try to fight the lonliness. try to keep the demons at bay.
and then it all got over blown and we all got ridiculously sensitive and stressed, plays seem to amplify problems like a man with a megaphone.
i don't know love.
i just don't know how we got this way, i mean you were the last person i ever thought i would get to this point with.
you made me feel awful about myself, and i hated you for it.
i know now that wasn't your intention.
and after a week of serious debating, thinking, and reasonless tears.
i have decided to take you back.
i want you back.
i need you back.
maybe not for the remainder of the play since that seems to be the root of all evil.
maybe we can just be pleasant to each other, and when all of this is over we can prove you wrong.
"we're not best friends heather, and we never will be again."
remember?
but i mean, if you're not up for a challenge...
Kara love,
i am sorry for this entire mess.
i am sorry if you are reading this and shaking your head because you could care less about what i have to say,
i think i am going to leave third hour to go and talk to you.
see you in five.
love you.
truly do.
heather.
hey hey hey!!!
i just got done seeing you :]
and we hugged and we reconciled.
and we didn't really say anything, we just cried, but now i feel good all over and i love you so much!
AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
and...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
you just made me whole week, i kid you not.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!
i love you dear.
I MISSED YOU!
oh happy day!
thank you jesus!
hahaha :]
kara, things are going to get better from here on out i swear oh i swear i swear i swear!
:]
i haven't been this happy in weeks.
thank you.
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