Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone.
Miss high school drama queen. I feel like it. I can't stand being stressed anymore, so hopefully, after this weekend, everything will be okay.
I know, I'm too needy. I need people, not things. I can't stand not having a 'best friend' at one time or another. I get jealous easily. I complain too much. I'm used. But then again, I make myself fall into all of it. I think my deal is (with the exception of family issues) that I'm reall scared to be abandoned. It's seriously scares me. I have to keep what I love close, otherwise I'll lose it all. For example, Shay wants to go to Alaska for college. I'm afraid we'll drift apart, that I won't see her anymore, that I'm going to miss her more than anyone could ever imagine. She's one of the only people I will not be able to lose. And of she moves in with Blake? I do not want to be replaced. I know, I'm family, but he's her boyfriend, and he's important. I do know this. But she's mine. My sister.
I love Heather, I love Cass, and I love Deanna. Wanting them all to be my best friends all at the same time, but in different ways isn't going to happen. I have a fail safe idea of reality, and it always gets to me. Always.
I'm jealous, yes. But protective at the most. because I know I'm going to have to help when things go wrong.
I'm most usually the rebound. Like a boyfriend, but in the friend sense.
I love my friends. I also need to get over myself.
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1 comment:
Doll,
Maybe that's why we're such good friends... Because we're both endlessly needy and need-giving? [Don't think that's a word. Will get back to you on that one.] We need to be loved and to love with our whole hearts.
And I'm glad we had our big long talk about this last night... I somehow feel less alone when I hear that you feel the same way about so many things.
I love you too, Doll. And you're the bestest. Don't ever let anyone tell you any different!
-Cass
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